Blue Eyes, Red Pixi, Healthy Salad, Light Heart

When mama visits, I take her at least once during her stay to Erica for a stylish haircut and good professional color, and all the wonderful service Erica provides. Back home, they can't afford a nice hairdresser - both Mom and Dad are retired with less than modest means for living, so they are always looking for ways to cut corners. Mom's haircut is usually hit and miss, and then she just buys an inexpensive hair color from a store, and her sister colors her hair. That is also hit and miss - for instance, last time the color turned out way too bright for Mom's liking (Anya, her granddaughter, did appreciate it though). So this time, Mom's wish was to make her hair more natural looking, warm brown, sort of honey walnut color as she described it. That was difficult to do, given the bright purplish red Erica had to work with, but I think it turned out pretty well.

Mama surprised me (and Erica too, it seems) when she was willing to go pixi cut and really a short one. "Let's experiment," she said. I know that I get my adventurous spirit mostly from her - she loves changes, she is very creative, she loves moving (if not houses, then furniture - I'm the same way), she loves to explore new stuff. But when it comes to her wardrobe or haircut choices, she is pretty conservative - she goes for what she got used to. I love this cut on her - elegant, but at the same time hip and contemporary.

Girls in the salon were complimenting Mom's eyes. "Her eyes are so blue, it's wild." It's true, she got a very rare deep blue color. I don't think I've ever met anyone with such pure blue eyes - not light blue, not grayish blue, but deep blue blue. She was a great beauty when she was young. People would stare at her. She is uneasy with ageing - I know that wrinkles bother her, and often she wouldn't try new things because she feels she is old. I can't say how I will feel when I am her age. She is 69, it's a long life - I'm just 41, it's so much less compared to her. Less life, less experiences, less difficulties, less many things. But I know that I want to come to terms with myself when I'm her age, preferably earlier - when whatever I have feels just right for me. Wrinkles? Fine. They only show that she is a real person, a woman who lived, laughed, cried, felt, thought, loved, lost... many, many times. I don't think the secret to beauty is flawless skin, no more than the secret to happiness is to live a flawless life. I think it's in acceptance. And in imagination. To accept what is, and imagine what can be.

One thing I want to learn from mama is her art of letting go. She was always like that. I remember as a kid or teen, we would have a fight, then a couple of hours later or whenever I calm down, I'd come to her to say "Mama, forgive me" - and her answer was always the same, no exception - "Nothing to forgive" and "You too". I got it from her, that's how it is between me and my daughter too. I think it's all right to get all emotional - we are emotional creatures, women in general, and women in this family, with a fiery temper, opinionated, independent and stubborn (that's Lialina women for you). But after all, we realize that those are just emotions, changeable, passable, like a storm. And the only thing that matters is that that other person who got caught by your storm, knows that you love her, that those emotions have nothing to do with her, so you say "forgive me", and the only thing that you need to hear back is "nothing to forgive" and "you too" - because really, there is nothing to forgive, and that needs to be mutual.

There are things though which need a little more inner work than a couple of hours - some things take days, months or even years to let go. Those are tough. Everybody has them. There is something or rather some things which are extremely difficult to let go, or forgive - because the truth is, it's the same thing. As long as you let go, you forgive. as long as you forgive, you let go. I asked mama just recently - how to forgive. It's hard, she said. But it's necessary. At first, you just recognize it in your consciousness, you know that you need to forgive. Then your heart accepts, and it becomes easier.

And this is wisdom. When someone comes to acceptance, this is a true genuine wisdom. One can read many smart books and know many smart words, and use them in a way that sounds very impressive. But without acceptance in your heart, all that book wisdom is nothing. I see that she owns it now - I see it from the way she smiles. I don't remember her ever smiling as much and with such child-like innocence. I can tell her heart is light. I used to smile like that all the time. I know that it's still there, it always is. I know that I'll get there. Not by thinking and analyzing. By my willingness to accept, with my heart, not with my brain.

How is this for a change of pace?

I though the colors in this salad go so well with the colors in my scarf.

OK, remember my marinated cabbage (recipe here)? How about making a salad... using another salad. I promise it tastes much better than it sounds! Actually, you can use any other type of pickled cabbage (Russians prepare cabbage with just salt, no vinegar added, and by the process of fermentation it becomes pickled). A quick, easy, healthy and totally vegetarian Russian salad for you.

VINAIGRETTE (ВИНЕГРЕТ) 

Boil 1 medium size beetroot, 3-4 medium carrots, 3-4 medium potatoes. Make sure they are cooked through, but still firm. Cool. Peel. Cut into small cubes (about 1 cm or less).

Cut pickles (my favorite kind is gherkins) into small cubes as well.

Now add some marinated cabbage (or other type of pickled cabbage).

Add onions if needed (my marinated cabbage already contains onions).

Mix it well. 

My cabbage salad already has enough "salad dressing" in it, so I don't add anything. In case you need, it's really simple to make:

0.5 cup of white vinegar

0.5 cup of vegetable oil (use sunflower oil, it will be authentic then)

1 ts of salt

2 tbs of sugar

minced garlic (to taste)

black pepper

Now you see why we actually call this salad "vinaigrette" (винегрет) - by the name of the dressing of course. Sometimes people add green peas, boiled egg or pickled herring to it - but it's totally optional.

Haircuts by Erica

Wisdom from Mom

Recipe from me

Photos by Justin

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