Being Russian, born and raised in the USSR, I of course thought that we Russians invented this catchy phrase - it was one of the central messages of Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears, the popular Soviet movie which won the Academy Award as Best Foreign Language Film in 1980. But apparently, in 1932 there was an influential best selling self-help book by this title, written by Walter B. Pitkin, an American. Though he might also not be the one who invented the phrase, hard to say really, but what I know for sure is that I always loved the philosophy behind this phrase.
You see, I'm one of those weirdos who did not really get what was so cool about being twenty. Sure, there were plenty of good things and wonderful moments. But also, tons of complexes, lack of confidence, unanswered questions, often the feeling of being a white crow, an odd ball. As someone said once, when all the kids were having sex, I was sitting in my room, eating chocolates and listening to Beatles. (Here you may insert any other band famous for their love songs.) Yep, that pretty much was me. Listening to such Russian bands as Secret or Bravo, eating chocolates, knitting sweaters and of course daydreaming.
In some ways, I did not change at all. That's what struck me when I looked at these pictures. I feel so youthful. Not that I try or want to be young - I've just told you why. I feel that somehow my life really only began at 40. I think it's because I've lightened up. And I started actually really liking myself - just the way I am. I have never been a people pleaser, oh no, but in my 20's I did feel a lot of pressure from "the way they looked at me" or from trying too hard "to get it right", to get it "perfect". I was studying way too many ancient languages (those which are dead now - no one speaks them, no one can even say for sure how they were suppose to sound), serious literature and philosophy. It all was way too serious, and I was way too serious. And way to often had a broken heart. Luckily, the human heart is such a fascinating matter after all, it does not really break for real, just a little bit, and then it grows together, ready to love again.
I'm not that uptight serious girl anymore. But in other ways, I'm still the same me, the way I was 20 years ago. And I still prefer staying in my room to parties, and still love chocolate. The only difference is that instead of knitting, I now blog, and instead of listening to vinyls, I talk to my true love who (by sheer coincidence, I'm sure) also prefers talking to me over going to a party.
And somehow, my newly started at 40 life makes it all right to be that weird girl with chocolates and dreams in her room. Somehow all she was dreaming about back then, came true.
I won't leave you without a couple of those songs I used to listen countless times in my 20s - on vinyl discs which either my brother, or my boy friend (not "my boyfriend" - just a friend who is a boy) bought for me, or at rare live concerts when the musicians (one band from Moscow, another one from St. Petersburg) would visit our town.
Dress - old, probably 8 years old, from Chico's
Vest - also Chico's, a year or two ago
Denim coat - thrifted (via Goodwill)
Purse - B Makowsky (via TJ MAXX)
Booties - Ecco (via Nordstrom)
And finally, after a year and a half, I need to buy new olive green tights - love green legz!