Shaman

Sometimes in the middle of Summer I start terribly missing Fall. I look at Fall pictures, I write and read something Autumn-ish, and I notice that very often we get cool days right after my innocent little "shamanism"... And now I miss Spring. I notice that days are getting longer - it's not dark yet at 6 PM these days, and not so long ago it was dark right after 4 PM. I notice that birds sing more cheerfully and first flowers bloom on bushes, in pots and in the ground...

We did this photo shoot almost a year ago, in April of 2013. For the first time in my life, I posted my outfit photos in an online style community.

I wanted to see the reaction of "the general public" on a purposeful photo shoot of a woman of a certain age, with a certain amount of extra pounds, who obviously in her approach to dressing does not follow a certain "standard" that modern fashion offers us all. At least at that point and in that particular community, there were not many women like that. The majority were very young, in a very good shape, and very trendy. I will admit - I expected a lot of criticism. 

I have no idea why I chose to wear this particular outfit that day. It was born spontaneously, just like most, if not all of my outfits are. The location was also picked spontaneously - and yet, it happened to be just perfect. (The chameleon agrees! :) )

To my huge surprise, the feedback was pretty positive in many respects. Most of all, people commented on my choice of colors. In a world where bright colors are used mostly in small doses, such a reaction tells you something, doesn't it? I think a lot of people are actually craving vibrant colors, but feel way too timid to use them in a free way. They wonder, "What would the fashion authorities say?" (by "Authorities" I do not mean truly talented artists and designers - but rather "the neighbors", "my online buddies" ... one's day to day authorities ... who in turn listen to their "authorities"... who in turn listen to theirs... and so on...) 

There were a lot of comments about my choice of shoes too. I mentioned it in this post, where I also wear these same shoes. I was glad to read suggestions, and I actually found a pair of Toms which I really like (I wear them with the same pants here). There were some other pretty cool ideas - I knew that some of them wouldn't occur to me, and I was sincerely thankful for them. We have a saying in Russian, Одна голова хорошо, а две - лучше ("One head is good, but two are even better"). I think it works especially well when all heads involved are pretty open-minded... and even better if they are also free-spirited.

I am not going to mention here any of the negative comments I received (I suspect that the moderator, who was focused on civilized and positive communication, deleted the ugliest ones before I had a chance to read them - and I was grateful for that, wise girl!) So what if my hair is not in a perfect order here? Life is not perfect, and it is not meant to be. Life is windy, rainy, snowy, slippery and annoyingly hot at times. Life is ever changing, ever flowing, ever moving process. Life is a process of creation in so many different ways which sometimes are hidden from us. As you consider "What outfit to wear today?", should you copy that popular chic blogger with whatever you can get from your own wardrobe? Should you go for a shopping spree to buy all the things you see on all these cool girls online? Should you read all the right fashion guides, and learn all the right trendy terminology? Or maybe just look into yourself and find what is so special and unique about you? 

Do you know why I love being this age? Because I finally really know who I am. And no criticism or lack of understanding will ever, ever change it.

I am Natalia, or Natasha. I am 40 years old - will be 41 this Spring. I was born in Russia, and I was always madly in love with my language, almost mesmerized by it. I live in America for about 12 years - it feels at times like I got at least two lifetimes in one. I gave a birth to a beautiful girl. I met my true love, and together we created a beautiful family. We also created a much needed warm, welcoming, heartfelt Russian speaking community in the area where such did not exist. I write stories, they inspire people. I am vulnerable. I make mistakes. I am a dreamer - romantic, idealistic and terribly impractical. And yet whatever I dream of, becomes reality. I believe in love, and I believe in miracles. And I also believe that everyone, each of us without any exception, is absolutely unique and amazing at the core. And that is where I prefer to look - at the core. Very often, it means that I see things which others don't. Very often, it feels like I speak a foreign language which others don't. Very often, it feels lonely to be me. But at the same time, I like to be me! It is so fun to be me! And I wouldn't want it any other way. 

I really wish more people would like to be themselves - truly be themselves. And I wish more people would look at the core rather than at the "authorities". What difference does it make what color is fashionable this season? The color that matters is the one that resonates with the very center of you this very moment! Stop for a moment and imagine... only imagine what a groovy world we all would create then!

Linen tunic and cotton pants - Bryn Walker. Shoes - Pikolinos. Felt brooch and woven bracelet - made by my daughter (then 10 y.o.) Ring and bangles - various places. Purse - I can't remember. Scarf - batik from Russia

Location: University Village, Seattle