Internal Sunshine

Can you believe it?

This is my 100th post!

So just a little shy of 7 months ago, I started this blog. I started it just for myself. The Summer before, I discovered that there are such things as personal style blogs. Personal style (not fashion so much) was something I became really interested in after a few years of wearing dark blue jeans literally every single day, with something loose over them to hide my thickened body. But then I discovered all sorts of women who were posing in front of the camera and posting photos of themselves, and they looked so pretty and so confident, and they were saying something like "Style is not a size, but an attitude" and a bunch of other cool stuff about positive body image.

But then, I thought, I was too old for such things. It all looks so nice on them because they are young! Everyone is pretty when they are young! (Ha, I remember that I so disagreed with this statement when my grandma said it - of course, I was probably 17 or so.)  Last Summer, I did not yet know any women of my age who blogged about style and posted pictures of themselves. 

As you can see, despite my doubts, I jumped in. 'Just for me', I told myself. Just because I would like to learn how to dress better. And just because I love blogging. I really did have tons of doubts about the whole idea. I did not even have many clothes back then (I had to create my whole wardrobe in the few months.) And then, English! I knew I wanted to try blogging in English. But could I? Will anybody even want to read me? And look at photos of me? I mean, it's just old me. Despite all the apparent obstacles, I decided that I'd give it a try. Just for myself. Just for fun. It was about 7 months and 99 posts ago.

I have gained so much during this period! Luckily, not in kilograms. I've gained some new skills (writing, editing, some things about modern fashion and style, etc.), some new clothes, and a new understanding of what it is to be me at 40 (Gosh, was I panicky about it just a few months ago). And something else, something completely priceless and precious, which I really did not think would happen. I don't know exactly what I was thinking, but I know I was not thinking about that. I was so completely burned out before I began this blog. I needed a space just for myself, and nobody else. It was completely selfish, completely focused on me and nobody else. I felt both indulgent and self-conscious at the same time. I mean, really, style blog? How superficial, how frivolous! 

7 months and 99 posts later, I feel like I am a changed person. I am glad that I am learning so much about style and stuff. It is all very fun, very entertaining and joyful. It's like some parts of me are opening up, the parts I forgot about. My Mom said, when I showed this blog to her, "Now I recognize my daughter!" Putting everybody else before me - family, community, friends in need of support - made me forget about myself. Maybe it sounds like a lousy excuse, but I believed in what I was doing. And I believed that I had to give and give and give. So I gave and gave and gave... Until there was nothing to give any more. All that was left from that fun, cheerful, optimistic person... well, I don't even want to go there. I'll just say that I felt like I lost all my joy. All of it. There was no sunshine inside of me.

But that was then, 7 months and 99 posts earlier. Or maybe even 50 posts earlier. Who counts. I know that now I am a changed person. With so much more confidence and so much more joy. That inner sunshine, which seemed to be lost for a while, is back again. I feel cheerful again. I am looking forward to a new day again. I get fresh ideas again. I have dreams again. And I also found new friends which are, let me tell you, simply amazing. Kind, respectful, supportive, funny, beautiful, and creative. One can only dream of friends like that! So when I realized that my 100th post was coming up, I wanted to celebrate it. I wanted to dress up! I know, it sounds silly as the whole point of this blog is dressing up (which is very symbolic in itself -  we dress up to celebrate, yes? We celebrate life every time we do it!) Well, silly or not, but that is what I have done. I dressed up in this gorgeous silk shirt made by a California based company called URU (do you get it? I didn't right away). I found this blouse at the consignment shop in Port Townsend (I paid only $20 for this amazing beauty). I didn't know what to pair it with, and then while stopping at the mall for some new tights, I spotted these fun corduroy leggings by Hue. They were on clearance for just 7 bucks, I had to buy them. And the rest just fell in place easily. I am not sure what people think of me when they see me in these leggings. They might think that I forgot my pants at home or something. But I like this outfit! I think it creates rather medieval feel, (actually, Justin was the one who pointed it out). Like I am a minstrel or something like that.

This beautiful shawl was an antique mall find. Sellers do not always know what they sell. This one was marked as "Russian tablecloth". While I am definitely up to creative usage of whatever stuff we have, I have to say that this item is way too gorgeous to put it on a table with all the dishes and food and drinks. No way. It is a pure wool, traditional Russian shawl made in a factory which is 200 years old. I wrote about this type of shawl, which we call 'platok', in this post. It is huge (I folded it in half)! You can easily wear it as a dress if you get creative. It's pretty amusing how the two patterns resemble each other, don't you think? I bet Russian traditional patterns were an inspiration for this beautiful American blouse.

We took these pictures last weekend. It was a gorgeous sunny, a bit breezy day, perfect for a walk in a park. And so we did - we took a stroll in a beautiful park, I am in my minstrel-ish kind of outfit, all celebratory and happy, with the sun out and within.

Silk blouse - URU (American made and thrifted). Leggings - Hue. Ruana - Chico's (clearance, about $30, last year). Scarf - Target (clearance, $4). Shoes - Born. Jewelry - thrift shop, boutique finds, Chico's. Purse - via TJ MAXX.

Russian platok - antique mall find.

Linked up with Spy Girl's 52 Pick-me-up: Yellow Fever!